The Rewrite

We all tell ourselves stories to make sense of this complicated world. Sometimes those stories help soothe us. Or make us feel grateful. Sometimes they make us more fearful. Sometimes they make us angry and justify our actions. Sometimes they make us feel all alone. There are reasons to feel all those things, sometimes all at once. 

As children, we generally believe the stories of those closest to us. And as we grow we tend to believe the stories of others that fit our own narratives and reject the ones that don't. But if we step back to look at the cover, we find the we are the authors of our own tale.

And while I could tell myself the story that some people are evil. I choose to tell myself some people are hurting so badly they think hurting others will bring them relief. I could tell myself the story that people are selfish. I choose to tell myself people are absorbed in their own stories and sometimes they just don’t notice the needs of other characters. I could tell myself that this Earth is too far gone to restore and a waste of effort to try. But I choose to tell myself that being in service to her is our greatest collective calling. 

I could tell myself that the universe is out to get me with every hardship I face. But instead I tell myself the universe presents me opportunities to slow down and breathe. To be patient. To be creative. To learn to use my anger and sorrow as fuel to my fire. Am I telling myself fairytales? Maybe. But I’d rather spend my life believing in the magic of it all than spend it believing I’m a helpless character in a tragedy.

It’s never too late to rewrite the story in your head. Or at least start a new chapter. I know from my own experience and those of others, it takes time and effort. And in times of extreme stress that first draft can start taking over again. But the more often we question the narrative and rewrite it to be one that helps us sleep at night and thrive in the day, the better the plot will get. May the next chapter in your life be the greatest one yet!

The following is a poem I wrote a few years back about changing my tale and I feel like it's fitting here:

Once upon a time, I thought I was a lost cause. When I looked in the mirror all I saw were my flaws.

Silently competing and comparing myself to others. Any thoughts of self-love and confidence I would smother.

I was so consumed by thoughts of “you can’t” and “should not”. Ignoring my intuition and into the webs of hopeless sorrow I was caught.

Self-hatred dug its roots deep in my heart. Even when I was ready to climb my way out I didn’t know where to start.

I feasted on distraction, stimulation and craved love and attention. But a voice deep inside told me I wasn’t going to survive without a soul intervention.

The voice told me:  “Hold on, you’ve got so much to share. Take a look in the mirror. Take your time, stare.

As in all beings, your beauty soaks through to your skin. But what’s most important is what you cultivate within.

You and pain have been together so long you feel like old friends. But you and I both know this battle's got to end.

It’s time to swallow your pride and look inside. Set your fear aside and let your soul drive.

You’ve learned many lessons. You’ve earned your scars. It’s time to make your way through it and find out who you truly are.

It may sound like sappiness, but no one and no thing can give it to you, you alone are responsible for your happiness. 

Our reality depends on our focus and attitude. So hold your head up, love loudly, and express your gratitude.

You can find beauty and goodness all throughout life. But it's your choice to see it and bring it to light."

“Even in me?”, I thought. It was hard to believe it. But the voice told me to keep trying until I could see it.

It’s not easy to break the habit of self-loathing. But it just takes one brave step at a time for self-love to start flowing. 

When my thoughts, my words, my actions align— I liberate my heart, my soul, and my mind.

Embracing life with wonder, love, and laughter. I continue on my journey towards loving myself happily ever after.