I’m not great at gauging coolness as I’ve never been particularly cool myself. But I find it disturbing that it’s become “cool” to date others while avoiding “catching feelings”. I don’t know if that’s cool, but as an observer, it certainly seems cold.
I’m not demonizing casual, consensual sex. Many find it fulfilling to have short-term partnerships with limited commitments to one another. If that works for all parties, great. Perhaps we purely want physical connection and the medicinal benefits that come with sex and don’t have the emotional capacity/time to be in a committed relationship. But defining a relationship as “meaningless” seems demeaning to all parties. Looser relationships can still be meaningful, even for just one night. Casual partners can still respect each other, care about the well-being of one another, check in with each other to ensure this is still the type of relationship they still want. By the nature of humans, the more time and energy we spend with each other, the more feelings will be caught. And that’s healthy human-ing right there. If you really don't want the risk of that outcome, may I suggest adult toys and dolls.
The thing is, we are not robots. Why pretend like we are? Humans are perfectly designed to be FEELING CATCHERS! We feel the lightwaves that are caught in our eyeballs. We feel the sound waves caught in our ear holes. We feel the floating chemicals caught in our nostrils. We feel vibrations caught in our nervous system. We feel the tugs of the invisible, electric threads that weave our hearts into the web of the entire beating universe.
If we are finding ourselves immobilized— caught in the sticky webs of feelings— rather than panic and flail, pause and reflect.
What makes us want to resist feeling?
Is it the fear that others may not be feeling the same way we are?
Is it the fear of rejection?
Fear of looking desperate?
Or the fear of commitment, falling in love and the potential of conflict and strife?
Is it the fear that if we take action our lives will change in unpredictable ways?
Perhaps these fears are grounded in some level of reality. But do we really want to allow our fears to block us from fully experiencing life? Trying to tune out the messages we’re receiving so that we can just get the physical pleasures of human interactions without having to address the messiness of forming a deep connection is likely going to lead to pain and loneliness for someone or everyone.
If we feel mature and trusting enough to share our bodies with another, we need to be brave enough to be very clear about what our intentions are and what feelings are coming up for us.
If you need someone to help sort out the feelings you've been experiencing or to process with you before you have these tough conversations, I'd be honored to offer my services.